For No One

19 Sep

For No One

Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows
Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows
Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows
Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows
Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows

Los Angeles, NYC Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Athletic cardigan, activewear, triangle bra, sleepwear, french bulldogs, interior decor, messy ponytail, french windows

Its sad but true that many of us spend days, months, and even years trying to love the wrong people. We give our hearts and thousands of tears to others who, intentionally or unintentionally, cause us ongoing pain that we willingly endure. Sometimes this pain, conflict and confusion can be so emotionally derailing that eventually you’ll stare in the mirror only to find the reflection looking back is a total stranger.  You’ll recognize the fact that you’ve been doing things and acting in ways that make you feel ashamed, and it’ll probably hit you all at once, like a ton of bricks. It is not all his or her fault, nor is it yours. But if / when this happens, consider it a wakeup call and an opportunity to turn things around. But this time, do it for yourself.

Why do we let this happen? Because we love them. Because we’ve convinced ourselves that their happiness is all that matters, or allowed their weaknesses to become our own. Ultimately this deteriorates confidence and encourages an internal misconception that we aren’t good enough or that we don’t deserve kindness. It leads us to feel like we are not special…that we’re inadequate and unloveable. NONE OF THIS IS TRUE.

“Selfish” isn’t a bad thing, when you find yourself giving far greater than you know you’ll ever receive (and I don’t mean supporting someone you care about through hard times, I am talking about the “big picture”). Sometimes in order to preserve dignity and a stable, happy existence, you must accept that the person you’ve opened your heart to is incapable or unwilling to reciprocate…but that doesn’t make you flawed.

You may even come to find that, as much as you might love someone, you are actually SO drastically different that things you feel are vital to building a sustainable, long-term relationship (things like “trust” and “compromise”), are admittedly irrelevant to them. When my ex told me that he didn’t believe in compromise, and that trust, for him, was not essential when it came to his relationships (friendly or romantic), my first thought was “are you twelve years old?”, and my second was that I should go running for the fucking hills.

I cannot claim that my views are right and his are wrong (trying to be neutral here, but by all means I am open to hearing your opinions). However, I will say that these are two values I, personally, feel are pretty much essential. I know in my heart that I could never live my life with someone who doesn’t comprehend or, at the very least, respect this. I’d forever be walking on eggshells and wondering if the words he told me were true. No, thank you.

I think it is also important to remind ourselves that we cannot change people, nor should we even attempt to. It is a lost cause and a waste of energy (especially if they are “anti-compromise”). We don’t match up with others so that we can “save them” or make them what we personally consider to be “better” — because these things are subjective and that would be completely unfair. A couple doesn’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything (in fact, that sounds frightening and also boring), but when two people who are in a relationship have such drastically different standards and viewpoints on fundamental topics, there is no way to move past it. Lesson learned.

I have had two pretty serious relationships in my life. The first one didn’t work out, but I look back on it fondly. The second was different, though. Most of the time it didn’t seem real, and I very rarely felt my heart was in a safe place. They are both GOOD men, who I respect for different reasons. I sincerely believe they wanted and tried to make me happy in their own, very different ways, while maintaining a desire to find personal happiness at the same time — fair enough. There were plenty of outrageous and unforgettable times that I will always treasure. But when it came to a point where the bad times outweighed the good, we should have called it quits. It was like trying, over and over again, to catch a pretty cloud and failing miserably…then the rain would start to pour.

In my most recent relationship, the good times were so good, that we kept on going because neither of us wanted to face the discomfort and sadness of accepting we were incompatible and it was time to let go. It took hitting rock bottom for this relationship to come to an end. And while it has been extremely difficult, it also feels like a weight is being lifted…sometimes, not always — but each day it gets a little easier, I suppose.

I feel I can breathe a little deeper and that parts of me I subconsciously let slip away are starting to make their way back. We were lovers, enablers, best friends (in my mind, not his – which he frequently pointed out), enemies, and weird, silly, stupid companions, all at the same time. We had nicknames and secrets and inside jokes that will only make sense to us, and there are so many things I already miss about him. But we were broken beyond repair.

We are both kind hearted people who care about one another deeply, but oftentimes we failed to show it. We were sad, desperate and addicted. We couldn’t ever NOT come back to one another, but with every additional attempt to “try again”, we were welcoming in more unneeded pain. Instead of taking on obstacles as a team, we turned against each other, until the biggest struggle of them all became a battle between the two of us, and one that would have no winner.

I hope you don’t find yourself in a situation like this — with someone for 4 years who cannot say they love you, unless under pressure, in which case they will cringe as they utter the words I’ve personally found to be so natural, happy and easy to speak…because they were true. Toward the end, I would say “I hate you” in a loving tone, like one would use when speaking to a puppy who doesn’t know what the words mean, just that they are nice. This seemed to make him feel more comfortable reciprocating the sentiment. The thought that I did this regularly in our final months, because it was the only way I could get a response, sickens me (and I take full blame for this masochistic, desperate move). However, when pressed by uncertainty so intense where you lose sight of yourself, or place unfair expectations on others because it is what you want, people act out in crazy ways. And yeah, I am kind of crazy. But that doesn’t mean any of this was right.

With every hardship we can grow to become better, stronger people (if we allow ourselves to embrace these opportunities). Even when you feel like you are burning alive in the pit of fucking hell, just try and look for the silver lining. It might feel like the world is over, but how about this…maybe it’s actually just beginning. You are giving yourself another chance to start fresh…and that is really exciting, if you think about it!

So appreciate your experiences — the good and the bad. When you are down and out, remind yourself that being alone is the perfect time to get back in touch with who you truly are — who you were, who you’ve become and who you ultimately want to be.

Treat yourself with respect and only accept the kind of love you know you deserve. Make an effort to be a better companion in the future by fixing the things you realize you did wrong the last time around (nobody’s perfect). And don’t give up just because something you wanted so desperately didn’t work out. He’s gone, you don’t need him, but rest assured he won’t forget you.

*head to toe: Pivotte Good-to-Go Cardi (love, love, love this brand / piece – definitely check out Pivotte Studio…cute, low maintenance product for high performing women), Sloane & Tate Paradise Cove Bra, pajama shorts from Monoprix, Frenchie (and photos) c/o Alexandra Petruck

Paris Is Always A Good Idea

8 May

Paris Is Always A Good Idea

New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Leather hat, denim jacket, structured satchel, striped sweatshirt, black skinny jeans, leather booties
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Leather hat, denim jacket, structured satchel, striped sweatshirt, black skinny jeans, leather booties
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Leather hat, denim jacket, structured satchel, striped sweatshirt, black skinny jeans, leather booties

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed I left Paris. It was a magical year well-spent, and I’m so glad I took that giant leap outside of my comfort zone back in April of 2015…embarking on a European excursion, which I’ll remember for the rest of my life. Saw so much beauty, made incredible friends, and grew stronger as an individual throughout the process.

I’ve returned to California, the state where I was born and raised. Happy to be closer to family, soaking up the sunshine, and taking on a brand new professional adventure as Director of Digital Marketing for Citizens of Humanity. With plenty of amazing memories in my pocket, I couldn’t be more excited for this next chapter, and am readier than ever to take on yet another city. So here’s to living, and new experiences…to taking the the surprises and opportunities life throws at you and running with them without hesitation.

If there’s one thing I am good at, it’s adapting…and only two weeks in, I feel right at home here in Silverlake. But…needless to say, Paris is always a good idea. <3

*head to toe: Lock and Co. Hatters felt & leather cap (more amazing hat styles HERE), Paige Denim Rowan Jacket (additional denim jackets HERE), BB Dakota Reeza Boyfriend Blazer (shop more black blazers HERE), Cotton:On striped sweatshirt (CLICK HERE to for more great sweatshirts), Strathberry MC Midi in Vanilla, 3X1 high-waisted skinny jeans (click HERE for more black denim), Acne Pistol Booties (additional black leather booties HERE)

Spring Fresh Whiskey Cocktails

1 May

Spring Fresh Whiskey Cocktails

"Los

Vinceremos Julep

(Courtesy of Marie Zahn, Hawthorn Beverage Group)
  • 1.25 oz. I.W. Harper Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
  • .75 oz. Amontillado Sherry
  • One tsp. Ginger Syrup
  • Eight mint leaves and three fresh mint sprigs

Instructions: Lightly muddle mint and ginger syrup, add other ingredients and top with pebble/crushed ice. Swizzle briefly and top with more ice. Garnish with three mint sprigs and straw.

Los Angeles, NYC, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle and Travel blog: Spring cocktail recipes

Harper’s Bet

(Courtesy of Mark Corley, The Silver Dollar)
  • 1.5 oz. I.W. Harper Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
  • .5 oz. Grenadine
  • .5 oz. Lemon juice
  • .5 oz. Grapefruit juice
  • 3 dashes Orange bitters

Instructions: Shake and strain over fresh ice in an old fashioned glass.  Garnish with a lemon wheel or mint leaves.

Spring is in the air! Sunshine and blue skies inevitably accompany a craving for fresh and fruity cocktails. I.W. Harper Bourbon Whiskey has provided a couple perfect recipes for this time of year. Had lots of fun making (and drinking) them while enjoying a lovely Saturday on the porch with my dear friend Liz.

Two top-notch options for a seasonal social gathering — picnics, backyard bbq’s or even a Kentucky Derby party (that’s where this wonderful whiskey originates from, after all).

Cheers and enjoy!

Just Show Up

16 Apr

Just Show Up

New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Sonya Chodry fur jacket and a hat with a feather
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Sonya Chodry fur jacket and a hat with a feather
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Sonya Chodry fur jacket and a hat with a feather

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” -Socrates

When life throws you curveballs, as it will, time and time again, just remember that this shit is normal. I cannot recall the last time I was actually prepared for any significant change but, more often than not, with change comes something magical and completely unexpected.

If things start to feel off kilter…adjust. Don’t feel obligated to explain your decisions to anyone. People may love you and have your best interest at heart, but nobody knows you the way that you do. Never be swayed.

Without uncertainty there is no such thing as adventure. If something seems right deep down in your soul, it probably is…or at least it has the potential to be.

Personally, I’ve never really followed a traditional path, nor have I felt a desire to. But I love my weird, tumultuous life! Sure, I cried hysterically in the shower for 20 minutes this morning and I am not even sure why but, damn, it felt good. And then I got out, wiped my tears, got dressed, and had an amazing day.

It is important to commit to things, and sometimes the most important commitments are the ones we make to ourselves. If things don’t work out right away…modify. You don’t need to give up if things don’t go according to plan, you just need to show up and keep on moving forward.

 *wearing Sonya Chodry Fur Bomber, shot by MiG Ayesa // looking for similar styles? click click click for more felt fedoras and furry jackets!

The Vibes

12 Apr

The Vibes

Post sponsored by Target // Festival fashion is in full swing, and wherever in the world you are, there’s no harm in embracing it. Just be sure to add your own personal spin (and that doesn’t necessarily require face paint, flower crowns and something with fringe).

New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Festival style, denim jumpsuits, Coachella style, California street style
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Festival style, denim jumpsuits, Coachella style, California street style\
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Festival style, denim jumpsuits, Coachella style, California street style
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Festival style, denim jumpsuits, Coachella style, California street style
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Festival style, denim jumpsuits, Coachella style, California street style

I may be somewhere across the Atlantic but, as a California girl, I cannot help embracing Coachella vibes this time of year. Jumpsuits are a go-to for me and, thankfully, cute varieties are not hard to come by these days.

I’ve styled up two festival-friendly looks, prefect for getting in music mode. The first is a bit more “moody”, in attempt to steer clear of that all-too-common neon flair, and avoid coming across as overly eccentric. I am a firm believer that you can still stand out without dressing like a lightbulb. So, I went for something that felt playful but subtly somber, wearing a denim onesie, black-out shades and pair of leather booties.  The other look is just easy-breezy and very versatile. All about the “peek-a-boo” detail and cropped, culotte cut…and it’ll last me all summer long.

Whether you are looking for something “on trend” that can be styled up in multiple ways, or feel like going old-school J-Lo with a little ’80’s acid wash action, Target has you covered in the fashion department. So, go ahead…channel your modern hippie chick, and share a little comment about how you might integrate a “moody” or “decorated” theme into your festival wear this season?

target

Find your style @targetstyle.

*head to toe: Ray-ban sunglasses, drawstring-waist jumpsuit via Target, KARA Stowaway bag from ShopGoldyn, Acne Pistol booties // Xhilaration denim cut-out jumpsuit,  Journee Colleciton slide sandals

Elevator Love Letter

24 Mar

Elevator Love Letter

NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard Hotel, elevator shoot, halo braid, cat-eye makeup, printed maxi dress
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard Hotel, elevator shoot, halo braid, cat-eye makeup, printed maxi dress
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard Hotel, elevator shoot, halo braid, cat-eye makeup, printed maxi dress

Enjoy the ride.

*wearing Christina Economou Patchwork dress (click here for more printed maxi dresses), photography by MiG Ayesa, hair and makeup by Kai Stamps

Bubbles on Bubbles

22 Mar

Bubbles on Bubbles

NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot
NYC, Paris, LA Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Standard East Village, perfect cozy robe, friend photo shoot

When all else fails, book a fancy hotel room (on credit, if you must – it’ll cost about as much as a therapy session in NYC), and enjoy an evening in with your favorite girls.

Take a bubble bath, order four bottles of champagne, wrap on up in cozy robes and let your worries float away.

Cry, bitch, laugh, sing, dance…do whatever you have to do to let go. Even if the escape is only temporary.

Feeling empty? Well there are countless ways to fill up on endorphins (sparkling wine is a good place to start). Stress is the catalyst for so many real-life ailments, and negative energy is highly contagious disease that nobody wants to catch.

Easier said than done, perhaps, but we must try and set ourselves free every once in a while, and embrace things that enable a more restful state of mind.

When I get lost, I remember my road trips…sticking my head out the window, with the music blasting, closing my eyes and letting the wind blow through my hair. These were the times when I allowed myself to feel life, like a beating pulse, rather than stumble along like a zombie off course.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of “moments”, where crying feels like the only possible release. But it is really important to remember those other times…the times when you you couldn’t help but smile, even if you tried super hard to keep a straight face. Just writing this is making me smile, because I am grateful for my friendships and the wonderful memories I’ve made so far.

We all deserve a night off from time to time. When the road gets rocky it’s easy to forget that it’s OK to escape for a second. There are endless opportunities for enjoyment out there, we just have to be willing to embrace them.

CHEERS.